Parody of Duty: Modern Ops of Drugbusting
by DeltaG
Summary: Taking a small break from my current World War II fic, I wrote this. It contains much coarse language, crap that should have been fixed in these games, and the stupidity of the glitches, bugs, etc. Accepting ideas for WaW, Black Ops, And the MW series. IT'S BACK!
1. Unnecessary Chapter Name

**A/N: This is a parody of CoD. I fully expect to see kids raging in reviews about how the game is superior to all other games and how their penises are bigger than mine and blah blah blah.**

**WARNING: If you haven't played WaW, Mw2, or MW3, there are SPOILERS! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty, but I wish I woend the Zombies ideas.**

_A bunch_

_of_

_useless_

_unnecessary_

_text that_

_nobody reads_

Dimitri sat up and looked over at his side. A green text popped up on his screen, stating the name of a dead soldier named Pvt. Alexnovios. Because all dead Russians in that war had names starting with an A. Seeing the text, he shook his head and muttered, "Fuck..." before reaching for the rifle that was scripted to always have a fully loaded clip even if it had been used to fight of Germans before being captured.

Dimitri was kicked in the face from the right, obviously turning his head left as the other two guards lost interest in their shitty guard duty and looked over at Dimitri as tanks could be heard outside.

"HELLO BITCHES!" Reznov yelled, the wall exploding as he punched it. The Germans died instantly, the wall pieces hitting them strategically in their hearts and faces which is an instant kill. Reznov, with a glitch making his head rotate all the way around, walked into the room with a man behind him that closely resembled Nikolai from the Zombies mode.

"Chernov, you pussy, finish this man off!" Reznov yelled, pulling Dimitri to his feet.

"No Reznov, I joined this war to keep my diary not to kill the enemies of my country!" Chernov yelled back, his rifle morphing into a gun as he wrote in his diary.

**Chernov's diary, page 1000101100111100**

_Today Reznov blew a wall up with his fist. God, I wish I could do that. After the wall blew up and the Germans died, he asked me to shoot a dead body to prove my loyalty to his dick. I refused and am now writing to you. Also, this guy named Dimitri looks like a pussy._

_Love, Chernov._

"Chernov, your diary mentions my penis. Therefore it is amazing!" Reznov hugged Chernov, and then slapped him, as he was scripted to do.

"Sorry, I am scripted to hate anyone who writes diaries, but I love men who mention my penis." Reznov said, turning to walk out of the destroyed house.

Outside were several men and tanks standing still as if Dimitri could unfreeze them. A burning corn field was tot heir left, with several Russian soldiers stuck in the middle, with Germans bent over jerking off to the smoke. Because everybody knows Dimitri causes time to resume going.

The tanks and men continued moving, many of the men pulling molotov cocktails out of their asses, lighting them with their fingernails, and then chucking them into an already burning field.

"Fuck this... Next, please." Dimitri muttered, looking down to where he could only see his arms. His legs were gone, but he was still able to walk. Yep, so natural.

_More useless_

_Text you_

_will skip over_

_if you read this, state_

_so in a_

_review_

_you_

_thorough reader_

Miller awoke with smoke in his face. Low voices were muttering in a language that he didn't understand and the man next to him was bleeding for no reason, no cuts on his whatsoever. A general came over and for no reason pushed his cigarette into his forehead before cutting him with his sword.

"Fuck, not one of these again..." Miller muttered.

Before the commander could stab him, Sullivan yelled out, "Quick, save Miller when we could have saved that other bitch too. Miller, now you're my bitch, got that!" The General was cut in the throat, and instantly died instead of slowly choking to death and lack of air.

"Miller, come over here and pick up the last rifle we have, you stupid fuck!" Sullivan yelled, and Miller picked up the rifle, which suddenly turned into a rifle from 2016, with a ten round clip and a kick that everyone in the world could handle.

"Wheeeee!" Sullivan squealed, 360'ing his fellow American soldiers with his future rifle. Other than him, Miller, and Roebuck, everyone else died form 1 hit to their big toe, and curled over in the sand.

"Miller, you see that hut? Go over there, and inside you will find a dead Jap with a bayonet stuck in him and a card on it. These cards randomly appear throughout the gay battles we fight, and one will appear when we switch to the view of some lazy Russian bitch named Resnov!" Roebuck shouted into Miller's ear, making him drop the Barret.

He picked it up and attempted to shoot Roebuck several times, but only got responses such as: "Miller, stop!" "Fuck you, Private!" "BITCH I WILL CUT YOU!" and the all favorite: "MILLER, BEND THE FUCK OVER RIGHT NOW!" After several clips of this, Miller's eyes faded to white, with Roebuck and Sullivan visible in the background. They were frozen as words surfaced to his face: FRIENDLY FIRE IS ONLY TOLERATED ON THE LAST MISSION YOU STUPID MARINE ASSHOLE CAN YOU EVEN READ?

Miller's vision faded as Roebuck shouted into his ear again, this time about how in the future some douche named Polonsky would lose his helmet and get raped in a closet on the last mission.

"OKAY FUCK ALL OF YOU, I'M GOING HOME!" Miller yelled, striding past the two men who were now comparing quickscoping skills by quickscoping some guy with futuristic gear and a mohawk in front of them. The man was unaware of what they were doing, and was holding a mask with a skull on it and a picture of what looked to be an old guy kissing him.

Miller started up the boat and drove it away. Roebuck and Sullivan suddenly appeared in the boat with him, and were now comparing penis sizes.

"Fuck..." Miller muttered.

_More_

_text_

_you will never_

_read_

_because_

_you_

_are_

_a lazy_

_bum_

Soap stood next to a destroyed car, a multiplayer map to his left and General Shepherd in front of him. Soap was plunging his knife into him multiple times, and the man just sat there, staring down at his bloody chest.

"Bloody hell, why won't you die?" Soap asked.

"Shut the fuck up and come at me already Soap. I'm scripted to be stabbed and then pull the knife out of my heart and then say some shit about fucking 30,000 men in the blink of an eye, because losing 30,000 is too mainstream." Shepherd responded.

The following happened, and Shepherd stood over Soap, loading his magnum while Soap just sat there like a dumbass. Shepherd was loading his magnum with 6 bullets, even though only 1 was necessary.

"10 years ago, I hugged 30,000 men in the blink of an eye, and the world just fucking clapped..." Shepherd said, aiming down at Soap.

Shepherd was back loading his magnum again.

"10 years ago, I shot 30,000 men in the knees with an arrow in the blink of an eye, and the world just fuckin' said it was too mainstream." Shepherd aimed down at Soap.

Again, he was loading his magnum. "10 Years ago, I watched 30,000 men die from my own fault in the blink of an eye, and the world just fuckin' watched!" Aim at Soap.

Once more, he was loading the magnum. "30,000 years ago, I blinked 10 times as the world clapped at Sgt. Foley's penis while some douchebag named Ramirez learned how to pilot a chopper while going undercover to be shot by some fag named Makarov that will eventually kill you in the future, and then Price will strangle him to death with the help of some Russian named Yuri, and then he'll light a cigarette next to his body and smoke it while he thinks about you and some bitch named Reznov from the 1940s."

"Now that doesn't even make any sense..." Soap muttered, as the scripting went wrong and as Price tackled Shepherd, the magnum remained where it was, and fired into Soap's mohawk, severing it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Soap yelled.


	2. RAMIREZ

**A/N: No more arrow to the knee jokes after this chapter, I promise. R&R, thanks for looking at this parody. SPOILERS OF MW2, MW3, and possible more. This is what happens when you get bored. You've been warned.**

_Some stupid_

_text that_

_actually_

_reveals_

_shit_

_in the next_

_few places._

"Remember, no Russian you stupid fucks." Makarov commanded as the elevator went up.

"Well that wasn't nice." One of the other men remarked.

"BITCH I AM NOT PAID TO BE NICE! I AM PAID TO MASSACRE COUNTRIES!" Makarov yelled at the man, who cowered in the corner, his LMG dropping to the floor and spraying bullets in a circle that did not hurt anyone, but instead used the ricochet game mode in the next game in the series to reflect the damage back to him.

As the Russian keeled over and blood sprouted from holes all over his body, Allen slapped Makarov for no apparent reason.

"What the hell?" Makarov asked.

"Oh, sorry. I just work with the CIA and I a guy bet me that I couldn't slap you for $5." Allen replied quickly, as the two other remaining Russians started slapping each other because one had a blue outfit and the other had a yellow.

"What?" Makarov asked again.

"Nothing, nothing." At this point, Allen coughs when saying the enxt words, "Dumbass Russian."

The elevator doors opened, and the four remaining stepped out as everyone acted like this was perfectly normal, even the men facing them.

Allen stood in front of the fire and took every bullet as everyone panicked and died anyway, mostly from kidney failure or heart attacks at the sight of others having these.

"Move Alexei!" Makarov yelled, still firing into his stomach.

Allen proceeds to take out a cigarette, light it, and look at porn on his iPhone 7.

"FUCK THIS SHIT!" One of the other Russians yells, somehow pointing his LMG back at himself and firing it into his heart. However, his vision gets bloody and he starts breathing heavily for no reason. He then shoots himself again, this time in the foot. He drops to the ground, dead.

Everyone else was silent as security guards with riot shields that are somehow called with 10 seconds appear on the scene, not firing at all and crowding around Allen to watch his porn.

After several minutes of the building being filled with _fap fap fap, _The security guards pardon the men and take the elevator down, leaving the dead body inside when they exit.

"Next!" Makarov called, and several men stepped out into the stage, and all of the dead bodies began groaning and standing up. Price and Soap walked out from the right side and went over to Makarov, each shaking his hand and them leaving with a mysterious syringe in their pockets.

_This scene_

_is about_

_The main menu_

_of_

_Black_

_Cops_

_Or whatever_

_it is these days._

"So, let me get this straight. I have an IV going into my arm that instantly comes out when I break free of the chair?" Mason asked.

"Yep, and a bunch of TVs to the side when you want to watch some stupid ass kids' show like South Park." The interrogator replied.

"Why the fuck can I move the menu of this TV with my mind?" Mason asked, moving the menu of the TV in front of him with his mind. He moved it to zombies and was about to press it if he could.

"Because the developers of the game were too stupid to think of a legit main menu when-" Suddenly the interrogator's voice stopped, and a man came flying through the glass above him.

"Move Soap, secure Shepherd before it's too late!" A man's voice yelled, as he tripped over the ledge and landed on a TV, and then stood up perfectly fine afterward, and then started breaking the TVs for no reason.

"Shepherd, have you anything to say for yourself you bitch?" The man asked.

"Yes. BANKSHOT!" Shepherd threw a knife onto the floor before the man could shoot, and because all knives are enabled to bounce, went up into the barrel of his gun, causing it to explode for no apparent reason.

"DA, I KNOW A PLACE!" A new voice entered the room, as a pavelow helicopter crashed through the ceiling, and a douchebag with a skull mask, another douche, a dumbass with vodka, A blonde guy embracing a German with swastikas on his uniform, a Japanese man swinging a knife around for no reason when _herhad_ a katana on his leg.

These men were followed by Dragovich, Woods, A black guy in an army ranger outfit, and a predator missile that destroyed nothing at all, and only made Mason's vision fade red.

"WOODS HELP!" Mason yelled, trying to free himself.

"Mason, did you know we have houses in a nuclear testing facility?" Mason asked, ignoring his plea for help.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Mason asked nobody in particular. Then Reznov stepped out of the TV in front of him and then slapped him.

"Reznov! HELP!" Mason yelled, reaching for the Russian.

"MASON, ON TO STEP 3!" He yelled for no apparent reason, holding up a ring of keys.

"Fuck." Mason muttered, as zombies burst out of the TV.

_You will_

_never read_

_this text_

_you lazy_

_bum readers_

Ramirez was exhausted, and Foley wasn't leaving him alone.

"Ramirez, get me a coffee. While you're at it, stop by the nearest Wal-Mart, get me a porn magazine, and take down the entire Russian army with your penis!"

"Ramirez, lick my balls while simultaneously using Dunn as a cannon to fire cotton at that helicopter!"

"Ramirez... Carry on."

Ramirez had enough. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! IN ALL MY DAYS I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH AN ABUSIVE SERGEANT!"

"Ramirez, you're only twenty." Dunn slapped Ramirez, and his head spun 360 degrees and then fell off.

"Alexei, single-handedly take down an entire airport full of Russian SWAR while I sit and watch my allies die right in front of me!" Makarov's voice was heard, and Ramirez suddenly realized they were in a closet.

"RAMIREZ, BREACH THE DOOR AND TAKE DOWN WHOEVER IS ORDERING, BECAUSE THAT'S MY JOB!" Foley yelled into Ramirez's beheaded body.

Ramirez kicked the door open, picked up his head and walked outside.

He then fell over, a red spot in the middle of his right foot. In the lower left of his vision, he saw red text. XxXxXxXxXxXxX - Quickscoped a motherfucker like a badass – Private Ramirez.

"OHHHHHHHHH. GET QUICKSCOPED, NIGGA!" the voice of a ten year-old filled the man's ears. "RAMIREZ? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF GUY NAMES HIS GAMERTAG RAMIREZ? DUDE YOU ARE SUCH A DUMBASS!"

What's this? Your Ramirez is evolving ... Press A to skip the next two hours of .s

Your Ramirez evolved into... PFC. Ramirez! Do you wish to give your new Ramirez a nickname?

"YES! How about "Foley's bitch?" Foley asked Dunn, who nodded and agreed like usual.

"WHAT? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Ramirez yelled, trying to stop the naming.

Naming successful, do you wish to transfer Foley's bitch to the PC storage?

Suddenly there was a computer console in front of Foley. He moved the cursor over to the YES button and clicked it. Ramirez immediately appeared in a screen on the PC, running around in circles away from a chopper.

"He's dead, leave him!" Makarov's voice interrupted Foley's fun, and he turned his attention to the window, where there were five men beating their meat at Russian SWAT, who were just staring at them. Immediately as Foley looked, one of the men keeled over and blood began pouring from an unseen wound.

"OVERKILL!" A random voice interrupted, and four of the Russian SWAT team instantly fell over, spartan suits covering their body for no apparent reason.

Foley and Dunn proceeded into the next room, where a man was firing repeatedly at a man standing in front of him from the back of an ambulance.

"Matrix, bitch!" The man being shot at yelled, dodging another bullet.

"EXCUSE ME!" A ten year-old's voice penetrated the violence, and suddenly the shooting stopped, and the men turned to see a man standing there in a US Army Ranger's uniform.

"YOLO!" The man's voice yelled, and he threw C4 on the ground, and detonated it, thus killing all of them in the room because C4 is the most overpowered tactical shit in the universe, right guys?

"Well... I have one thing to say now..." Foley and Dunn were suddenly alive, even though they were in pieces.

"Yes, sir?" Dunn asked.

"DUNN, JERK ME OFF WHILE I SIT HERE AND WRITE TO MY PEN-PAL IS ANTARCTICA WHO IS A PENGUIN NAMED SANCHEZ! Yes, bitch, penguins can have Mexican names!" Foley screamed into the Corporal's ear.


	3. I hated writing this way

**A/N: Boredom fuels things like this.**

Okay, first off, let's assume that we are now up to CoD 99, and for the next CoD, they're going to do some stupid shit like usual and blend zombies into the campaign and multiplayer. I'll be changing perspective on this as well, probably inserting myself to comment on the multiplayer part.

_CoD 100 Analysis:_

_Price: UN FUCKING REASONABLE! AKA: $100_

_Rating: "NIGGA DIS SHIT IS AMAZIN'" - Hillbilly Monthly, "I SHIT MY PANTS WHEN I PLAYED THE BETA!" - IGN and, "OH SHIT, HIDE YOUR WIVES, HIDE YOUR CHILDREN, SOAP'S COMING TO RAPE THEM!" - Metascore._

_Plot: After World War 8 in CoD 99, Price and Foley head to Russia to go after Makarov's brother's first cousin's mailman's sister's mother's dog's best friend's mother's owner's cousin. The two meet up in Russia, and proceed to take cover in the streets, Foley inside a dumpster in the middle of the road, Price on top of a building for some reason he forgot._

_Multiplayer: All guns from MW2-MW3 have been brought back for the anniversary, and as a "bonus", all modes including campaign have Nazi Zombies inside because Trollarch insisted on having input on their first CoD game since BO2, AKA: LEAKED ACHIEVEMENTS ALL AROUND, BITCHES._

_Characters: _**insert list of random characters from all games here**

_Developers: Infinitely Here Ward, Actigay, XBOXINPUTONALLYOSHIT, PS6, and WIIIIIIIIIII. Oh, we forgot PC, because them niggas always hack our games and get up in our grill, ya no dawg? Oh, SledgeHammah Studios 2, mang._

_November 1st, 2019_

_Caleb_

_CoD 100: Modern Zombization of all Modes, even Our Shit campaign._

Reluctantly injecting the disk, Caleb sat back in his lawn chair on his front deck because the Xbox 1080 had wireless internet everywhere because they had unlocked the technology deep in the bowels of Russia, where all technology comes from.

He sighed as the Activision logo that had changed from what it used to be into a giant middle finger, making the second I in the word, with a dot over it.

Then Infinitely Here Ward's logo appeared, also changed from the original into a dick in a infinity symbol that wrapped around the word Ward.

Then Trollarch's logo appeared, changed from what it used to be into a troll face, with a picture of an arch next to it. The screen then went black, and Caleb considered slapping the TV.

Instead, after 10 seconds of darkness, a green light showed up on the screen, and a sledgehammer followed, that quickly morphed into an RPG that fired rockets in a circle, and then faded into a darkness.

The main menu came up, with a man in a suit pointing a middle finger in the air as the background. Caleb pressed start.

The background for singeplayer was a penis with the words, "ZOMBIE CAMPAIN!" barely readable below it.

On Zombies, the background was Tank Dempsey kissing Edward Richtofen, while Takeo and Nikolai jerked off behind them, Samantha stimulating herself with her teddy bear behind them.

On Multiplayer, it showed a man crouching, in his ultimate armor that was just his underwear, his gun was a dual wield M4A1 with under-attached sperm launcher, with a penis as a sight. Caleb nearly facepalmed after spending $100 on this shit game.

He pressed the campaign button, and it opened a cutscene showing Foley and Price hugging, while Ramirez and Dunn fapped in the background. Caleb skipped it, and he was in Price's view as the mission cutscene took over.

"Remember my nigga friend, that you must stay in the dumpster at all costs!" He yelled down at the black Ranger in the green dumpster. Price's perfect vision showed the Ranger giving a thumbs up before getting hit by a semi, and then raped by zombies.

And then a message popped up on the screen.

_OOOOOOOOOOH! We also forgot to tell you little bitches that everything is multiplayer now, even campaign. Suck our dicks if you have anything to say about it._

Caleb's ears were suddenly filled with sounds of, "BITCH GOT HIT IN A DUMPSTER, OOOOOOOOOOH!" AND "GRABBIN' PILLZ!" Left 4 Dead puns... In CoD.

Suddenly in his vision, he saw a thousand other Prices, and Zombies began flooding the scene.

"PENISES!" A squeal sounded in Caleb's ear as he saw the zombies were completely naked, and their dicks were flapping in the wind as they went after the Prices closest to them.

And then the players and zombies disappeared.

_Guess what, we're gonna screw with you kids like usual, and turn the multiplayer and zombies on whenever we want. Enjoy, 3 Trollarch, and all the other bitches at CoD HQ._

Price set up his Intervention brought back from- Oh shit, this is stupid.

Caleb saw the screen cut to static, and then it jumped to the Multiplayer screen, where everybody had every gun and only one class where all guns, perks, and other shit were unlocked.

He was instantly in a new gamemode, dubbed, "CAMP YOUR DICKS OFF!" by the creators.

Of course, everyone spawned on each other, and that left Caleb on the bottom, where he was equipped with a penis for a weapon, that showed it was pump action. How ironic.

The clock counted down from 10, and then Caleb was instantly killed by a Saiga shotgun from a Battlefield game.

Shit, this chapter was experimental and stupid, I'm going back to my other way of writing after this. Gladly.


End file.
